Locked and Loaded (Bullet, #6) Read online

  No, it did. Jennifer couldn’t just explode emotionally like she always had in the past, and she shouldn’t assume anything. She’d promised herself that this time she would try. She wouldn’t just lose her cool. So she drew a deep breath in through her nose. “What’s she doing here, Zane? Who is she?”

  Yeah...more confirmation, thanks to the look on his face. His expression was a touch of exasperation mixed with the horror of getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Only this gal was a bit more than a cookie. She was an entire bag of sugar.

  Zane swallowed, his attention now pulled from the woman huddled on his toilet seat. “Uh...she’s...uh...”

  Jennifer felt her blood begin to boil in her veins. Oh, shit. It didn’t matter how much she loved Zane; if he was still up to his usual ways, that was it. They were done before they had even started over. Jennifer looked over to the woman. “Who are you?”

  “My name is Callie.” As if that explained it all.

  Jennifer raised her eyebrows. Well, to be fair, the woman had answered the question she’d asked. Time to probe further since Zane wasn’t saying shit. Jennifer wasn’t even going to look at him now. As it was, out of the corner of her eye, she could see him practically pleading with the woman to stop asking questions. “And what are you doing here?”

  The girl got a snotty look on her face at that point. “I was invited here. What are you doing here?”

  That was when Zane interjected. “You were uninvited hours ago. What the fuck are you still doing here?”

  Jennifer blinked and started backing up, waving her hands, signaling that she was officially giving up. She didn’t need to hear anymore. The blonde—Callie—was whining, but Jennifer couldn’t even register what she was saying.

  “Wait, Jen. Don’t leave. Let me explain.”

  She shook her head and turned, determined to find her pants so she could get the hell out of there. Her shirt, bra, panties? They could all stay. She didn’t give a shit. She needed to bail now before she exploded. “No explanation necessary.”

  “Yeah, there is.” Probably the same bullshit she’d heard in the past—time and time again. Or a lie, and she really wasn’t in the mood for that bullshit either. Bad enough to know that Zane was up to his old tricks and really didn’t care enough about her to even try.

  “No, there’s not. I’m leaving now.” She was sliding her pants up to her waist and, once they were on, she picked her shoes up off the floor and walked out the bedroom door.

  “Jen!”

  As she stormed down the hall, she heard the blonde girl pleading with Zane, and he was yelling at her by then. Jen marched, determined to walk out with her dignity intact, her temper under wraps, and the tears pushed even deeper down. Nothing—nothing—was going to explode before she was on the road. Absolutely nothing.

  Chapter Fourteen

  GODDAMMIT. ZANE HAD known better. How the fuck he’d always managed to choose the skankiest hos, he’d never know.

  And those skanky hos...man, did they know how to cause drama. Every single damn time.

  He finally figured out how to get rid of this particular one, since she didn’t call the cab earlier like he’d told her to. After Jennifer stormed off, he offered to buy the girl some pie and coffee at Village Inn. As soon as he had her seated, he paid the bill plus a handsome tip—that he gave directly to the waiter and asked the guy to keep her swimming in coffee for as long as she wanted, and then Zane gave her a fifty...for a cab or whatever.

  That was a risky move, because he didn’t want her to think he was implying that she was actually a whore...and he wasn’t suggesting that at all. He just wanted her the fuck out of his life, by whatever means necessary.

  That mission accomplished, he then set off like a bat out of hell toward Jen’s old apartment. God, he hoped she still lived where she used to. Otherwise...

  No. He wasn’t gonna think that way. There was always the connection through Val if need be. He just hoped to avoid it.

  Jen had been pretty cagey since they’d reconnected. No, not exactly cagey—guarded would be a better word...and, in all fairness, she had every right to be. Hell, it hadn’t taken Zane even a week this time to piss her off and send her packing.

  As he continued to speed down the interstate, driving far faster than he should have, he thought to himself that she should have expected it. She should accept it even. It was in his nature, and it seemed impossible to change.

  He was at war with himself. As soon as that thought drifted through his head, he wanted to take it back. No, Jen should not be expected to honor his wandering ways. In fact, when they’d been fresh-faced college students, she’d said that was the one and probably only thing she couldn’t tolerate. She could handle the partying, the drug use, the littering of profanity, and bordering on violent behavior. She’d said as much.

  Infidelity, though, was inexcusable.

  But how could he be unfaithful when they weren’t married, weren’t even engaged?

  And how could they be engaged or married when he didn’t give her the confidence and faith in him to believe he could or would stay faithful?

  She wouldn’t.

  It had been a fight with himself, a constant battle. Sometimes, he just felt as though both he and everyone who knew and loved him needed to accept him as he was. It was impossible for a leopard to lose its spots, right? The rest of the time, though, he was immersed deep in self-loathing and despised himself for not being able to stop—and for not stopping.

  What the fuck was wrong with him?

  He didn’t know...but he was certain of one thing. Just the past few hours had convinced him that Jennifer Manders made his life worth living, made him feel whole and loved and real...and worth something.

  As he took the off ramp to head toward her old neighborhood, he gripped the steering wheel, praying she was still in the same old place. Otherwise, he was fucked.

  * * *

  “She just won’t go to sleep, Mrs. M,” Kara said, a frazzled look on her face.

  Jen picked Zoe up off the floor where the child sat, surrounded by toys spread out on a blanket. “What’s gotten into you, sweetie pie?”

  Kara swallowed. “Um...I might have an idea.”

  Jen bounced Zoe on her hip, the child grinning from ear to ear, most definitely bright-eyed and bushy-tailed—far too peppy for this late in the evening. She was almost afraid to ask. “What?”

  “Well, um...I had my Dr. Pepper over here on the coffee table, right? And the cable remote wasn’t working. So I got up and was changing channels over at the TV. When I finally found what I wanted to watch and turned around to sit back on the couch, Zoe was over here, drinking my pop.” Jennifer let the air out of her lungs, willing herself to not get angry or upset. “I don’t know how much she drank, Mrs. M. I’m sorry.”

  Kara wasn’t around the child enough to know she was fast...and it wasn’t like it was lighter fluid or bleach or something. She couldn’t be angry with Kara—but it looked like she was going to have a late night. Jennifer didn’t let Zoe drink anything with caffeine, so she had no idea how long she was going to be wired—but she most definitely was at the moment. The toddler’s eyes were twinkling and she was babbling away.

  She was wiggling enough that Jennifer knew she wanted down. So she leaned over and set her daughter back on the carpet, making sure she was steady on her feet before letting go. “No idea how much?”

  Kara shrugged. “I’d just opened the can a few minutes before, and I don’t remember how much I had first. She couldn’t have had a bunch, could she?”

  “I don’t know, Kara. I wasn’t here.”

  “Yeah.” The girl shook her head. “I need to go clean up the mess in the kitchen before I go.”

  Oh, no. Jennifer didn’t even want to see that. One thing she’d say about Kara, though—the girl was good about cleaning up whatever needed it before she left. “Okay,” she said, and Kara walked into the other room while Jennifer sat on the couch, watching her child
play. Yeah, Zoe was most certainly energetic. It was just as well. Jennifer didn’t know that she’d be able to sleep for quite a while. She looked up at the TV from Zoe. Kara had been watching some dumb reality show...and Jennifer was in no mood for stupidity. She grabbed the remote off the end table and pointed it toward the television. When it didn’t respond, she remembered that Kara had said as much—which was how Zoe had gotten into the caffeinated soda in the first place. Jennifer got up off the couch and switched the TV off. Then she opened up her purse, fetching out enough bills to pay Kara. She’d replace the batteries in the remote tomorrow.

  A good fifteen minutes later, the teenager came in the living room, rubbing her hands on the thighs of her jeans. “Good as new,” she said. Jennifer wondered what the hell the girl had done to merit that much cleaning...but she didn’t want to know.

  “Great.” Jennifer stood, realizing she had been growing sleepy in spite of watching her child’s enthusiastic play. Zane had already left her mind, although he was back in there now that she’d given it conscious thought. She wasn’t going to dwell on his memory, though. She’d give the entire situation a lot more thought in the morning when her head was clearer, her heart better able to grapple with the emotional trauma.

  She handed the money to Kara. “You don’t have to give me this much, Mrs. M. You were back earlier than you thought.”

  Jennifer smiled. “You were here for me, willing and able to put in the time I needed. Just because I didn’t use it doesn’t mean you weren’t worth it.” Just then, the doorbell rang, causing Jennifer’s brow to wrinkle and suspicions to dart through her mind. “You expecting someone?”

  “Oh, heck, no, Mrs. M. I don’t have people over when I’m babysitting.”

  Hearing her say those words made her feel lots better—but it made her wonder who the hell was ringing her bell this close to midnight. That couldn’t be good. It was never good when someone came by that late at night.

  Jennifer had to lock the door behind Kara anyway, so she walked the few feet to the door, peeking in through the peephole.

  She didn’t see anyone at first, could only see the door across the hall. But then he came into view, a guy who was pacing back and forth.

  Yeah...not any guy.

  Zane.

  She didn’t believe he had the audacity to show up at her door after what had just happened. That was ballsy as hell.

  But that was Zane and, as much as she hated to admit it, that was one of the things she loved about him—how he constantly stormed through areas where angels feared to tread.

  It didn’t change the fact that she was insanely pissed at him.

  “Who is it?” she heard Kara say, right behind her.

  Jennifer drew in a slow, deep breath. “My date.”

  “Your date? Showed up here? Why?” As soon as she said it, Kara slapped her hand across her mouth and her cheeks turned pink. “Oh, crap. Sorry. That’s none of my business.”

  Man, Jennifer loved this girl. She was going to hate seeing her leave next year. She smiled. “I wasn’t expecting him. I was wondering the same thing.”

  “Oh. Um...I guess I should leave anyway.”

  Part of Jennifer wanted the girl to stay—Zane wouldn’t spout nearly all he wanted to with another party there. Only God knew what he wanted to say to her, what bullshit he had the nerve to spew, and maybe having another party there would temper his output of baloney.

  She opened the door, and Zane looked over from pacing. “Jen—” He started to say more but shut his mouth when Kara walked through the doorway.

  “Night,” Jennifer said to her babysitter as the girl walked down the hall a few yards and then turned the doorknob to her parents’ apartment.

  The look on Zane’s face was priceless as he tried to figure out what Kara had been doing in Jennifer’s apartment. She could see the gears turning, but he couldn’t connect the dots...which was just as well. She didn’t want Zane to know a damn thing about their daughter. He hadn’t earned her trust for something that monumental, and she was beginning to doubt he ever would.

  She could feel the crusty look on her face but she didn’t care. She started pushing the door closed, and it shouldn’t have surprised her when Zane shoved against it. “Jen, wait.”

  She knew she didn’t have the strength to close the door on him, much as she would have wanted to. Now, it would be up to him as a gentleman to honor her wishes. “Why should I?”

  “I just want to talk to you for a minute.”

  One deep breath to keep her anger in check. Screaming and yelling at him would accomplish nothing, although it could potentially wake the neighbors. “There’s nothing to say, Zane.”

  “Yeah, there is.”

  “There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind.”

  “Then can you give me just two minutes?”

  Jennifer was getting ready to respond once more—purely on an emotional level, so there was no prepared statement, no logic behind it, just the desire to have him get the hell out of her sight—when Zoe toddled up to the open door and paused, just inches from Zane.

  Her daddy.

  Shit.

  She was still looking at her daughter when she heard Zane say, “What the fuck?” He squatted and she heard him say, “I mean...what the hell? Hi, baby. Who are you?” Jennifer swallowed and looked at him through the gap. “Is she your baby?”

  Oh, thank God he didn’t ask if Zoe was his...because she wasn’t ready to lie.

  Zoe grinned and stuck her dimply hand out the door. How could Zane resist that? He took her tiny fist in his fingers and shook it, grinning. Keep it simple, Jennifer. “Of course, she’s my baby.”

  “Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”

  She felt the anger simmering beneath the surface, and she didn’t know how to stop it from bubbling over. All she could do was try to stay calm. “Because I obviously didn’t feel like it.”

  He still didn’t stand, and Jennifer could tell it was because he was waiting for her to open the door. “Why wouldn’t you? She’s adorable. I can’t believe you could keep her a secret.”

  Yeah, she’d had a hell of a time keeping her daughter secret—that much was true. But he needed some truth of his own—even if it wasn’t the whole truth. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think I could trust you...and I was obviously right.”

  He did stand then, but he wasn’t removing his hand from the door. “That’s not fair, Jen.”

  “It is fair. And you totally proved it tonight.”

  “I want to talk about it, okay?”

  “No. You need to leave.”

  He moved his face close to the gap so he wasn’t far from her. “If you plan to kick me out of your life for good, what’s thirty more minutes?”

  Damn him...he knew how to get to her every time—not just the words but the puppy dog eyes. And that was why Jennifer opened the door.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “JEN, BABE...ALL that shit’s in the past, okay? I was a kid—immature, thinking with my dick, impulsive. But I love you. I’ve always loved you. You’re a hell of a lot more to me than just sex, babe. You’re fucking everything.”

  “I don’t know, Zane. Why the hell should I even trust you? What have you done to earn my trust?”

  “That’s fair, Jen. Just...seriously, look. It’s been five years, girl. You’re out of school, all grown up, with a job and shit, and look at me. Huge fuckin’ band, just like I always knew would happen, and I can have anything I want, okay. Anything and everything. I’m not even lying. But what do I want? You. Only you. Don’t you think that speaks for itself?”

  “Maybe...”

  “Seriously. Just...try me on again for size, okay? We’re not kids anymore. And if you don’t like the merchandise, you can return it at any time, no questions asked.”

  “Zane...you’re insane. You’re crazy.”

  “Yeah. Crazy about you. C’mon, girl. What do you say?”

  “I must be fricking cr
azy, too...”

  “Goddamn, Jen. She’s a fucking doll.”

  Jennifer turned away from the fridge to look over at Zane and Zoe. Her daughter was sitting in her high chair. Jennifer had cut up a banana, hoping maybe a little food in her child’s belly would help her grow sleepy. In the meantime, she’d just brewed some coffee, hoping to help her and Zane stay alert long enough to have the requisite conversation. If nothing else, maybe she’d be able to keep up with her child until Zoe finally grew sleepy, because, by the way the child was bouncing, it looked like drowsiness could be hours away.

  As Jennifer brought the carafe over and poured the hot java in first his mug and then hers, she tried to keep her growing surprise to herself. She was floored by how alike Zane and his daughter were. She knew Zoe looked like Zane—she saw him in the child’s eyes every day—but she’d had no idea. It was nuts. Zoe’s eyes had stayed the same dark blue they’d been the day she was born, exactly like Zane’s, but Jennifer always forgot how dark Zane’s eyes were until she was with him again. Those windows to his soul were mesmerizing and intense.

  The skin color too...not pale like Jennifer’s skin, but a light olive, a hue Jennifer would have to work at acquiring, and she was sure it was a dead giveaway.

  But Zane seemed to be clueless. Thank God.

  Fortunately, Zoe’s hair was blonde like Jennifer’s, and the child’s lips and nose looked like her too, so Zane could suspect all he wanted, but without a blood test, he’d have no way in hell of knowing.

  Zoe banged on the tray, managing to avoid the bananas, as if agreeing with Zane wholeheartedly.

  “Thanks. She definitely is my pride and joy.”

  He looked up at Jennifer, a dreamy look on his face. “She has dimples just like you.”

  She felt her muscles relax. Yeah...she’d dodged the bullet.

  * * *

  Zane hoped he wasn’t giving it away, but he’d been floored with the knowledge that Jennifer had become a mother since they’d last been together. When they’d made love earlier in the evening, none of the signs had been there—no stretch marks...and, crass at it seemed, her pussy was as tight as ever. Maybe he should have figured it out from what he now realized were wider hips. He’d already noticed how her tits seemed rounder.