Locked and Loaded (Bullet, #6) Read online

  But the kids who’d gone there since kindergarten hadn’t appreciated her efforts.

  Still, she wasn’t going to stop. Her mom had had a shit life, and Jennifer had made a promise to do her best for the woman. “This is a gift, Jenny. You’ll be getting an amazing education and you’ll be a big fish in a little pond. Take it.” Her mom had known that, yes, the school’s education would be rigorous and demanding, but she hadn’t expected they’d be so far ahead of what her daughter had been taught at their neighborhood public school that Jennifer would struggle her entire second grade year.

  By the end of that year, she’d made two friends—a boy and a girl—but had also become the target of the bully in her classroom. The first time the bulky girl had cornered her in the hall and told her to quit kissing the teacher’s ass (language Jennifer had rarely heard other kids her age use), she’d scowled and tried to walk past her...until the bully pinched the inside of Jennifer’s arm so hard, it had bruised almost immediately.

  The girl took to chasing Jennifer to her bus stop every day.

  It wasn’t long that Jennifer had become better at avoiding and running. She’d started taking an alternate route to the bus stop, had discovered ways of dodging questions her mom and teachers asked, and became adept at blending into the background.

  By the time she got to high school—mixed back in with the general public—she’d thought she’d left it all behind her. Three years later, by the time she was a senior, she was almost outgoing and bubbly and had learned to make friends easily. Bullies, it seemed, were a thing of the past.

  Her freshman year in college, though, just a few weeks in, her roommate had left for home, homesick and unable to handle what was expected of her. Jennifer quickly got a new roommate, a catty catastrophe named Charlotte, someone who’d somehow spotted the victim inside Jennifer and brought back all those horrible memories buried deep. Jennifer couldn’t—wouldn’t—let herself be put in a position to be bullied again and requested a room transfer.

  It was thanks to that transfer that she’d met one of her best friends ever...and, thanks to that friend, the man who became the love of her life.

  Yes, her new roommate was a girl quite similar in upbringing to herself, a young woman named Valerie Quinn. She too had discovered the guy she’d thought was the love of her life, a loser named Ethan, but that guy had been roommates and best friends with Zane Carson, a tall, muscular young man with dark hair and eyes as pure and blue as Sloan Lake.

  In the present, Jennifer noticed Mr. Accountant staring at her, and she realized she hadn’t answered his question. She’d been too busy thinking about the guy who wasn’t there. She swallowed and forced a smile, picking up her water glass, wondering when the hell the food they’d ordered would get there so she wouldn’t have to engage in any more awkward conversation. “Not much to tell, really. I’ve been working with Edwards for five years now, and I don’t think I’ll be leaving any time soon.”

  “I’ve heard that about them. What is it you like most about their company?”

  She took a deep breath. At least that was a topic that would be easy to discuss, so she allowed herself to yap about her present employer. Yeah, she loved the firm where she worked—earned decent enough money, faced enough challenges to keep the job exciting—but she hated the fucking bitch she worked with. Her name was Constance, but in her head, Jennifer had taken to thinking of her as Cunt-stance. Jennifer hated the harsh C word, but it worked for that bitch. They were supposed to be part of a team, but Cunt-stance refused to work that way—even when Jennifer offered assistance—and she’d sabotaged more than one of Jennifer’s efforts over the past year. Constance had replaced the woman who’d trained Jennifer and then retired, and Jennifer had hated going to work ever since. It wasn’t until it was rattling around in the back of her mind while she talked with Mr. Accountant that she realized she was being bullied once more.

  She’d considered looking for another job and had applied for one transfer in the building but hadn’t beaten out the other applicants. She knew now that she’d kind of painted herself into a corner when she’d taken maternity leave and began using the onsite child care.

  Yeah...getting a new job, worrying about health insurance and other benefits made it hard to leave.

  So she’d begun dating again, this time more earnestly than in the past, because the right guy could take her away from all that shit—or at least give her enough stability between jobs that she could look for one she preferred.

  The problem was no man could compare to Zane. She and Zane had often been fiery—both in and out of bed—and every time they’d tried, it had devolved into nothing but arguing, enough that they’d decided it wasn’t worth it, no matter who’d “started” it. But, with time away, her mind always grabbed onto their good times—how much she’d loved being with him, how much she’d loved him, needed him, wanted him.

  Desperately wanted him. Especially now.

  But ever polite Jennifer would never tell this guy that they wouldn’t work. She wouldn’t end the meal in the middle, even though it was obvious to her that they weren’t compatible, even though she knew they’d never work.

  He too was polite and didn’t press the issue. He kissed her on the cheek when they parted ways and asked if he could call her sometime. Sure. Yeah, right.

  She got to her apartment half an hour earlier than expected. She hadn’t even gotten sex out of the deal...which was probably for the better. She wasn’t in the mood. It would have merely been a way of saying thanks for dinner. No sex meant he’d be less likely to call next time—unless he was going to ask about openings at her company.

  Jennifer unlocked the door and peeled off her coat, closing the door behind her and draping the coat on a barstool in the kitchen. She saw Kara sitting on the couch, but she couldn’t tell if Zoe was in there with her. Kara was watching some show on MTV while texting on her phone. God, Jennifer hoped Zoe was asleep and not just lying in her crib playing with one of her chunky plastic toys. Kara had never seemed that type, but there was always the possibility.

  “Hey, Kara. Zoe’s sleeping?”

  Kara startled just slightly, enough that Jennifer couldn’t guess about her daughter. The young girl looked up from her phone. “You’re home early.”

  “Yeah, short date.” Kara might not have been the most responsible girl, but her family lived next door to Jennifer. She figured that alone made the girl worth hiring, because if anything horrible happened, her parents were always nearby—and they tended to be homebodies. Both worked during the week, so they cherished their time at home. Jennifer reached in her purse to retrieve her wallet and pulled out some bills, counting them once before handing them over.

  Kara stood, shoving the phone in her pocket. “I laid her down with her ‘fier about ten minutes ago.”

  Jennifer took a second, remembering that she wasn’t saying fire but a clipped version of pacifier, something another family Kara babysat for called it. “Was she good for you?”

  “Yeah, of course.” Kara looked up from counting the bills. “You didn’t have to give me this much since you got back so soon.”

  “Nah. You would have been available for the duration. I appreciate it.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. M.” Jennifer smiled. Kara had always called her Mrs. even though Jennifer had never been married. “Any dates coming up you want me to reserve?”

  If only. She shook her head. “Not yet. I’ll let you know.”

  “Thanks. I’m saving up for a concert this summer.”

  Jennifer felt her stomach clench. She had to ask and prayed the girl didn’t say she wanted to see Fully Automatic, because it would be so tempting... “Who you going to see?”

  “Panic! At the Disco.”

  Jennifer breathed out as she felt her shoulders relax. “That’ll be fun for you.”

  “Yeah...and the guy I like is driving, so I gotta go.”

  “You might want to get your tickets now.”

  “Oh, that’s a
lready done. I need money for other stuff.”

  Jennifer nodded. “Of course.” It wasn’t long that Kara was walking out the door and Jennifer deadbolted the door behind her. Seconds later she was making her way toward her bedroom. Zoe’s crib was in there as well, even though she had a second bedroom in the apartment that would have easily served as a nursery. She’d discovered, though, that breastfeeding as a working mom was a hell of a lot easier when your baby was nearby. In fact, Zoe had slept with her the entire first year. It wasn’t until the child was a year old that Jennifer had made the effort to break her child into the crib.

  It was nice having her own bed back, even if it was a little empty feeling.

  She’d barely walked in the room than Zoe sat up, and even in the dim light shining in from the hallway, Jennifer could see the grin on her child’s face, the pacifier dropping from her mouth onto the crib mattress. “You little stinker. Were you even trying to sleep?”

  The toddler stood, holding herself on the crib railing, giggling as Jennifer walked across the room to pick her up.

  Yeah, okay, so maybe just tonight Zoe could sleep next to her mom again and keep her company...reminding her that there was a hell of a whole lot more to life than men.

  Lots more.

  Chapter Three

  “THANKS FOR THE movie, Zane. That was fun.”

  “Yeah, sure. It was a great movie. I can’t say that about all of ‘em.”

  “It was a nice break from studying for midterms.”

  “We should do it again.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Next week?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then it’s a date. But, uh, you wanna come up to my room before I walk you back to yours?”

  “Yeah. I’d like that.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that...”

  Zane had lost count, but this was not the first time he’d walked out of inpatient rehab. Yeah, he needed to shake all the shit he was taking, but he did not want to fucking talk about it, any of it. And that was, ultimately, what all those goddamn doctors wanted to do—talk it to death. Hell, that would scare him back to booze and pills in a heartbeat.

  No. He just needed a warm bed and a safe place with someone to watch over him and monitor him while his body detoxed. But this time was worse than usual...and he’d had a specific reason for going through it.

  It was because he was craving the one woman he’d never been able to shake—and no way was he going to find her when he was in that shape. He’d barely been out twenty-four hours before he was sitting at the bar—having just one beer—and pulling up Facebook to message her. He would have tried calling, but the woman changed phone numbers more frequently than other people changed underwear. Facebook was always a way to track her down.

  He smiled at her profile picture. Damn, she was a sight. Absolutely beautiful. Before sending her a message, he scrolled down her page. That was odd. She hadn’t posted anything in over a year.

  Shit. Was she okay? Had something happened to her? He opened up the message box right away. Their last conversation had taken place over two years earlier—the last time they’d hooked up. She’d sent him a message, asking how he’d been doing, and he’d asked her out to dinner. That last time had been a glorious two weeks. Why did it always have to end with a stupid fight? Every single damn time.

  Still...he couldn’t help but have warm memories of her. He hoped she was doing okay. If something really bad had happened—like death—Valerie would have told him, right?

  But the lack of activity on her page concerned him, so after typing in a quick Hey, Jen. How’s it goin, babe? he closed the browser on his phone and pulled up Brad’s number, calling without giving the matter much more thought.

  “Yeah?”

  “You busy, man?”

  “No. What’s up?”

  “I actually wondered if you could get some info from Val for me.”

  Brad paused before asking, “What exactly?”

  “I don’t know if you ever met Jennifer Manders...old college girlfriend. I’m pretty sure her and Val stay in touch, and I’m hoping Val has her number.”

  “Just a sec.”

  Zane heard Brad set the phone down and could hear voices in the distance—Brad getting information from Val. A few seconds later, though, he heard a voice whisper, “Hi, Zane.”

  All right, that made him smile. “Is that my buddy, Chris?”

  Still whispering, he said, “Yeah. Dad set his phone down on the table and I read your name.”

  “You can read my name, buddy?”

  Chris was no longer whispering. “That’s what I’m going to school for, don’t you know?”

  Zane started laughing. “Sorry, man. Fair enough. So what else is up with you—besides school, I mean?”

  The little boy started whispering again. “Another new baby’s comin’.”

  Zane frowned, trying to think of what Chris was talking about. Hayley was already a year or two old—or more. Shit. He couldn’t quite remember. And Scarlet, Ethan and Jenna’s baby, was...was maybe a year old...or two years old? So Hayley was older? Hell. He had no way of remembering. And, by then, he knew he had no idea what Chris was talking about. “What baby?”

  Chris’s voice got even quieter and Zane had to ask him to repeat it once before he whispered loudly, “Mama’s gonna have another baby but we don’t know what yet.”

  Zane didn’t have a chance to react before he heard Brad say, “All right, little man. Say goodbye to Zane.”

  By the time Brad got on the line, Zane asked, “Is it true, man?”

  “Yeah, but don’t say anything. Val’s trying to keep it quiet for now.”

  “No problem. When’s the due date?”

  “Don’t know yet. She has her ultrasound tomorrow. Anyway...Val has that number but, uh...she wanted me to ask if Jennifer would be okay with you calling her.”

  “Why wouldn’t she?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. Hold on a sec.” Zane couldn’t hear as well, but their voices were still clear. “Honey, why don’t you talk to Zane?” Seconds later, he heard, “Hey, man. I’m gonna let you talk to the old lady. Still meeting after the Fourth?”

  “Yeah. I think I’ll be ready then.”

  “Me, too. Here she is.”

  After a slight pause, Zane heard his old friend and bandmate light up the airwaves with her voice. “I am not an old lady.” Zane heard Brad laugh and he could almost see the man’s face. Brad was a much happier guy with Val in his life, and even though Zane hadn’t seen it coming, he felt like the two of them had been meant for each other. “Hi, Zane. How’ve you been?”

  No way in hell was he going to tell her he just got out of a rehab stint for what had to be the bazillionth time. He gave her the answer she wanted—needed—to hear. “Fine. You?”

  “Life is good. These guys keep me running. Anyway...Brad said you were asking for Jennifer’s number. Is there any reason why I shouldn’t give it to you?”

  Zane laughed. “What? Like I’d tell you if there was a problem? Do I seem like a fucking stalker to you, Val?” Oh. Maybe not the best joke, considering it hadn’t been quite two years since Val had had a stalker of her own. “You know Jen and me have a lot of history...and I haven’t talked to her in forever. I just wanna call her up, hear her voice, ask how she’s doing.” And, no, he didn’t want to hear about it from Val. He wanted to do the asking himself.

  She sounded distracted when she added, “You guys always end up fighting.”

  Zane clenched his jaw. “You’re being overprotective, Val. Ever think we fight because there’s a lot of passion?” Holy shit. He actually said it? Well, it wasn’t like it was a big secret. Jennifer Manders had been a heavenly body in Zane’s life, and every time he was near, he was pulled in a close orbit. That he’d ever been able to leave had been the surprise.

  “True. Just...give me a day to call her and let her know I gave you her number. I don’t want to shock her.”

 
“Shock?” Shut your mouth, Zane. You’re getting what you want.

  Val gave him the number and he wrote it down before he forgot. But he had to end the phone call on a light note. “So...Chris says you’re expecting child number three, is that right?”

  * * *

  Zoe had finally drifted off in her crib and that was Jennifer’s cue to hit the hay as well. She picked up her phone off the nightstand, because she always set the alarm on it to be a backup for the alarm on her dresser. She saw then that she had a text from Val, her best friend from college and, even though they didn’t see each other as often as she would have liked, probably still her best friend of all time. Whenever Val would call, Jennifer would pick up, but this time the woman had zipped a text message over instead. Just a heads up. Zane asked me for your number. I hope it’s okay. I gave it to him. Val sent a second text with Zane’s number, probably so Jennifer could ignore the call or block him if she wanted to.

  Just seeing Zane’s name made Jennifer’s heart skip a beat—maybe two. It had always made Val uneasy how much the two of them would fight, especially the first time right before they broke up (and part of that might have been because Jennifer had never told Val what they’d been fighting about—it was a private matter), but Jennifer was starting to see a pattern. The first time they broke up, it nearly killed her, because she’d fallen head over heels with Zane, but the fighting had grown to be exhausting and counterproductive—and it hadn’t solved a thing. When, years later, they ran into each other at Valerie’s wedding, they couldn’t help but get back together, in spite of the fact that they’d both been kind of seeing someone else at the time. And what Jennifer had thought was immaturity that led to argument she discovered was something else entirely.

  They were obviously incompatible.

  No, not incompatible. More than once, they broke up because the arguing became unbearable. Now, years later, Jennifer couldn’t even point to anything specific. Oh, she could still remember what some of her own underlying issues had been, but she didn’t know today that she’d dealt with them productively back then. She doubted she’d handled it well at all. She’d likely come off as a jealous, insecure bitch instead of as what she really was—insecure, to be sure, but a woman in love and desperate to hang onto what she had. And Zane’s angle? She had no idea exactly where he’d been coming from, which had always been part of the intrigue with the man. She’d never known quite what made him tick, but the chemistry between them had been undeniable.