Love and Lust (Small Town Secrets Book 2) Read online

  “On you?” Ed winked. “I don’t think you’re dressed properly.”

  Was he saying what I thought he was saying? I gave him a confused look, not wanting to dignify his statement.

  “Get it? On you? Like a wet t-shirt contest?”

  “Yeah…I got it, Ed.” I couldn’t even fake a smile. “Come on.” He followed me back to our group, and when we got there, I found it funny that everyone there was still standing, talking in small subgroups. I understood why, though, because at least if we were standing, we could lean in closer to hear what each other was saying over the din of the nightclub. Sitting down might have made it harder.

  Ed was still close by, so I might as well make conversation. “I can’t believe there are this many people at a nightclub in Winchester.”

  “It’s the grand opening this week, and they’ve been advertising the heck out of it. Free admission this week only, and if your driver’s license shows that you’re outside of Winchester County, your first drink’s free.”

  That made more sense to me, because it was hard to believe there were this many clubgoers in our town.

  Adam was talking to Price but he looked across the table at me. The man didn’t have to say a word for me to know that he was wondering if I’d already had the conversation. Frowning, I shook my head a tiny bit to let him know that I hadn’t. He gave me a nod before looking full on at Price again.

  Ed began chatting with a paralegal from the DA’s office and soon the two of them were pointing toward the dance floor laughing. I couldn’t help but follow where they were pointing until my eyes landed on a woman near the edge of the crowd. She was dancing wildly, her long black hair flying all around, clothes billowing like parachutes while people stood back away from her, lest they get knocked down. Ed was laughing his ass off.

  It wasn’t that funny.

  I started feeling almost jealous that the woman had probably had lots to drink, so she wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. I needed to get to that point.

  Beer in hand, I moved down the table. Yeah, I had to talk to Ed, but not when he was acting like an immature teenager. I didn’t necessarily need to engage in conversation with anyone at the moment, but I wanted to get away from the silliness.

  As I lowered the bottle after having walked to the end of the other table, I prayed the alcohol would soften my muscles at any moment. I just wanted to take the edge off so being honest and apologetic with Ed would come more easily.

  But I froze as I took the next step…because if I’d thought my evening had been complicated before now, it just got worse. Ryan Craig stood just across the crowd, no more than fifty feet away—and my heart felt like it stopped beating at the sight of him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  If I’d thought I was a basket case before, I’d been delusional. My emotions were now all over the fucking place—and I still hadn’t accomplished the one thing I’d come here for.

  Oh, and, of course, that was when the alcohol chose to begin working on me. Seeing Ryan across the crowd filled me with that empty feeling and a realization that he’d never returned that weird desperate phone call I’d made a while back.

  Goddamn, he was still as hot as ever, too. All of a sudden, I remembered why it had been so easy for me to give up everything for just one taste. Why the fuck was I so attracted to him? There was a deep lust, an overwhelming desire that burned in the pit of my belly for this man, and I couldn’t figure out how to overcome it. Time had changed nothing. I wanted to scramble through the crowd, grab him, and plant a long, hard kiss on him just to see how he’d respond.

  Run my fingers through his hair.

  Over his chest.

  Drink in his smell.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I bit down hard on my lower lip. I had to snap out of it. Ed was here—right here—and I had to deal with him before I did anything else. Worse yet, if Ed spotted Ryan, I knew there’d be problems. After all, Ed knew who Ryan was.

  What if he saw him? Would he give Ryan the third degree and advise him of his rights? Would he gather information against me?

  I should have been strategizing. Instead, I was mourning what had seemed to be the start of a relationship that could have been both hot and sweet. Fulfilling. And as those thoughts, along with ones of fear, spiraled through my mind, I scoped out Ryan’s party. He appeared to be with three other guys, all construction types. They all had beers in their hands and were sitting at a free table.

  Two of the guys pointed across the room. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought they were checking out a tall blonde woman in a red low-cut dress.

  I had to stop staring. When Ed caught up to me, if he scrutinized me to figure out what I was looking at, I’d be doomed. And if Ryan happened to catch me staring, that could be just as bad for different reasons. So I turned back to face the gang but moved to the other side of the table—closer to Adam, yes, but also so my back wasn’t turned to Ryan.

  A few minutes later, Adam, Price, Ed, and I were in our own little circle. Price just had a way of attracting people to him, because he told great stories. They were lost on me tonight, though, between fretting over my imminent conversation with Ed that I’d conveniently put off and wondering what Ryan was doing.

  Just because I wasn’t staring didn’t mean I wasn’t paying attention. In fact, I hadn’t looked straight on since I’d first noticed him, but I was watching him intently through my peripheral vision. I could see that he was laughing with his friends and seemed to be having a good time. Ed and the men around me were talking and laughing, but I’d hardly heard a word they’d said.

  “Has that ever happened to you, Sam?”

  Fortunately, I could blame the music if I had to, but Ed had just made it that much easier for me to blow off the question. “My name’s Samantha, Ed.”

  “Cardinal sin, man.” Adam pointed at Ed with a smirk on his face. “She’ll have your balls for that.”

  “Sorry. It’s just such a long name. And we’re having so much fun, I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

  I could have been a complete and total bitch—but how would that have helped my cause? Forcing a smile, I let a long breath of air out of my lungs. “Sorry, Ed. It’s just a huge peeve of mine. Don’t take it personally.” I took a long swig of my beer and let it go.

  “You can always just call her Paulson. It’s a little easier.”

  Ed nodded and winked, and I smiled at my partner’s suggestion. I definitely would prefer my last name used instead of a clipped version of my first name. Just because I’d liked it when Ryan had called me that…

  Adam said, “Anyway, Nolan, you were saying?”

  “So I think you’ve all figured out that my client wasn’t about to win any Darwin award. But the problem was I couldn’t impress upon him that keeping his mouth shut was a perfectly acceptable defense strategy.”

  Once more, I was pretending to be part of the conversation—only this time, I was actually listening. While Price continued his story, I kept my peripheral vision on Ryan—and it wasn’t long before I saw him stand up. Even though it was half dark in the nightclub, I didn’t dare look directly at him. He was probably going for another beer.

  Except he never turned toward the bar.

  “So I told the judge that my client was going to take the stand, despite my advice not to.”

  Oh, shit. He was making a straight line toward us. Toward me. What the fuck? Any other day, I might have been tickled pink but here and now with Ed? This was the absolute worst time.

  My brain was scrambling, trying to come up with a solution to this new predicament—especially since I knew I had to look like I was engaged in Price’s story. But as I saw Ryan getting closer every second, I knew I had to do something. I considered running to the restroom, pretending I was feeling sick as I saw Ryan getting even closer. Fortunately, a group of women slowed his progress. Price said, “At least he can work on his GED while he’s locked away. It can’t hurt.” Adam and Ed laughed so I did, too, and then inspirati
on struck.

  Slamming my empty bottle on the table, I grabbed Ed’s hands and pulled him close. “Let’s dance!”

  Jesus. I was not a fucking dancer, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I had to distract him and I also had to scare Ryan off.

  Maybe he was coming to talk to Adam. I hadn’t thought about that till now.

  Ed had a strange look on his face that quickly turned to a grin. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  I could feel my hands on the verge of shaking due to the adrenaline rushing through my veins, but an immense wave of relief washed over me as I pulled Ed by the hand onto the dance floor. I wondered what the hell Ryan had even been doing coming over to our group, but my curiosity would have to wait.

  As I swayed back and forth to the music, pretending to have the first clue about dancing, I comforted myself with the realization that my dance partner had two left feet. Grinning ear to ear, Ed was having a great time, but he looked sorry after stepping on my toes. Still worried about Ryan following us out here, I kept searching the place without appearing to, not sure what I’d do if he came out on the dance floor.

  “Do you do this often?”

  “What? I can’t hear you.”

  Only Ed O’Malley would want to have a conversation on the dance floor.

  “Do you do this often? Clubbing. Dancing.”

  “No, not really. But I always have fun when I’m tagging along with Adam, no matter what he’s doing.”

  I noticed Ryan heading back to his table—which told me all I needed to know. He definitely had been coming to talk to me.

  And was that good or bad?

  “I asked about you, not Adam.”

  “Yeah, I know—I just…I personally wouldn’t have picked this place to hang out. But it’s been pretty fun.”

  God, I wished he would stop talking already.

  I started moving more vigorously so he would have to keep up with me—and not talk. I was going to have to have a long conversation with him later, so I didn’t really need to chitchat. I didn’t imagine it would help my case at all.

  When the song was over, so was my torture, and we headed back to our group. But now I was worried about Ryan trying to come over again. Maybe I could get everyone to go to a different bar, complain that it was impossible to talk here—except that folks like Adam and Price seemed to be doing just fine. And, of course, I’d already lied by telling Ed I’d been enjoying myself.

  I needed a minute to think. And I knew just the place.

  “Nature calls. Be right back!”

  I headed first toward the bar area, thinking restrooms might be there, but no such luck. I looked all around but there was no way I’d be able to tell with all the flashing lights and bodies and lack of light. I was able to get one of the bartenders’ attention, and she told me they were close to the entrance.

  So I’d have to make my way through some bodies again. After venturing back through and realizing that the place wasn’t as huge as I’d initially thought, I found the sign to the bathrooms and walked toward the one that said Women. I’d always hated restrooms in bars. They were rarely cleaned as often as they should be, and they smelled and felt disgusting. At least fifty percent of the time, they reeked of puke, so I never knew what I was going to get. Unfortunately, I was going to stay in there until I figured out how to handle this new predicament.

  It was instantly quieter once I opened the door, and I was pleasantly surprised. It seemed quite a bit cleaner than what I’d expected, and the fixtures didn’t look grimy or untended—and, while I didn’t care for the strong artificial floral scent lingering in the air, it was loads better than the alternative.

  As luck would have it, the bathroom was crowded. Not the stalls, though. Just the area around the sinks where several women fought for precious mirror space to reapply their lipstick and tease their hair. Spying an empty stall, I slipped inside, locking the metal door. I looked at the toilet and considered sitting down. When I heard more women enter the bathroom, I decided to do it so it would at least look like I was using the space for its intended purpose. At least I was starting to feel a little calmer, and I figured I had the shot of whiskey to thank.

  Time to evaluate my options and assess the situation. So far I was doing a shitty job with Ed. Were we “bonding”? Yeah, sure, we were becoming friendlier. In that regard, I thought I was doing all right—but, frankly, I’d wussed out by not already having had a chat with Mr. O’Malley. But what exactly was Ed getting out of this? Did he know I knew? He had to, didn’t he? And, if that was the case, was I just a mouse and he a cat enjoying how I was trying to avoid a trap I was already inextricably caught in?

  Those were the things I hadn’t been able to puzzle out in that noisy crowded venue.

  But, bottom line, with or without Ed complicating matters, I’d done something wrong, and I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t. If Ed reported my misconduct, I couldn’t bring myself to lie about it or ask others to do so on my behalf. And I couldn’t go back in time and change what happened. What was done was done.

  And, frankly, I didn’t know that I’d want to.

  Having come to that conclusion, I questioned whether I should even bother talking to Ed but then decided I should. Right now, there was a huge elephant in the room that I’d been pretending wasn’t there—and Ed wasn’t a dummy. He probably knew that was why I was being friendlier than usual.

  Yeah, I just needed to get the conversation over with. Maybe Ed and I could go to a private table. If it was a little quieter, then I could just spill it all immediately and be done with it.

  And I would never put myself in this fucking position again.

  I could tell that to Ed as well—let him know that I’d learned my lesson and, if he insisted I take my punishment, I’d do it myself. I’d turn myself in.

  So one problem solved. But there was another dilemma. Looking back now, I knew I’d really hurt Ryan. That could be the only explanation of how cold he’d grown since I’d confessed. And what was it about that man anyway? Just knowing he was out on the floor lit my brain up in a weird way—and not just because I was afraid of the consequences if Ed saw the two of us talking. I knew I would have welcomed his advance had Ed not been there.

  Wait a second. Why the hell did I still care about him anyway? He should have been just a brief blip in the timeline of my life. My career was my life, which was part of why I’d described myself as a boring person when Ryan and I had been getting to know each other. If I were to have to stop practicing law, what would I even be able to do? What would I want to do?

  God, I’d really fucked up my life, hadn’t I?

  And why the fuck couldn’t I get Ryan Craig out of my head, even at this late date while in such dire straits?

  Suddenly, the restroom grew quieter with the exodus of half a dozen chattering women, and I was left with the muted sounds of dance music and someone peeing in a stall near the entrance. It was time for me to go face the music, get it over with. I would never know if Ed was planning to play his hand if I didn’t call his bluff. For all I knew, he just wanted assurance that I’d never do this again—and I could do that, so long as Ryan kept his distance.

  Maybe I could get Adam alone and ask him to run interference for me while Ed and I had our chat.

  Yep, that was my plan. Talk to Adam quickly, then take Ed somewhere quieter and beg for forgiveness and mercy.

  I used the sink right in front of the stall where I’d been sitting and washed my hands before examining myself in the mirror, smoothing my hair before taking a deep breath and walking to the door, pulling on the metal handle.

  As I walked through, I held the door for another group of women heading in. I was flooded with the heavy, beating sounds of dance music that grew louder as I made my way through the hallway.

  When I got closer to the throng of people at the edge of the dance floor, I saw Ryan standing right near the entryway—but he wasn’t just standing. He was looking me straight in the eyes.

&nbs
p; So there was no pretending I didn’t see him, not like earlier. Fate had decided that I had to deal with Mr. Craig—not later.

  Now.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I swallowed hard. I hadn’t prepared myself to deal with a scenario like this during my bathroom planning time. And what the hell was I even supposed to say anyway? I managed to spit out, “Hi.”

  “Hey. What’s up?”

  “Not much. Just out with Adam and some other lawyer friends.”

  “Yeah, I’m hanging with some guys from work.”

  How I managed to make meaningless small talk at this moment was beyond me. “So how have you been?”

  “Okay. You?”

  Ha. I didn’t know the last time I’d felt okay, but it was my own doing. So I told a little white lie. “Fine.”

  Goddamn, why was this so fucking awkward?

  I took a step closer. “Uh, Adam told me the paternity results came back.”

  “Yep. I was right.” There was pain in those beautiful green eyes of his.

  “You okay with that?”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  People kept nudging past us, jostling me—not to mention I was having a hard time hearing him. “Wanna talk somewhere quieter?”

  Jesus. That slight, shy smile brightened his face, reminding me why I’d found him so irresistible. “Sure.”

  Ryan started moving toward the entrance and I gladly followed. Before we got there, though, I glanced behind my shoulder to make sure no one from my group could see me, but they appeared to be so far into the nightclub, they probably couldn’t make me out from where I was. Looking around closer by, though, I also wanted to make sure no one was in my proximity. That would be worse than far away. When I was certain there wasn’t anyone watching, I turned and caught up to Ryan as he walked outside the club.