Love and Lust (Small Town Secrets Book 2) Page 14

  It was dark out now, and the air was fresh and noticeably cooler than when we’d arrived. As we continued walking down the sidewalk, I noticed the sidewalk was damp from a rain shower I’d missed. I sucked the clean air down into my lungs through my nostrils. “It feels nice out here.”

  Ryan nodded and we continued to walk. We didn’t talk for a long time, but it didn’t feel awkward or weird. I tucked my hands in my jeans pockets as we neared the end of the sidewalk at the corner of the building. I asked, “So what are you doing here anyway?”

  “The guys at work thought I should celebrate.”

  “Getting the test results?”

  “Yeah. It’s just an excuse to get out.”

  “You’re not celebrating?” I said it as a question, but it really was more of a fact.

  Ryan stopped walking, but he didn’t turn to face me. He kept looking ahead as if there were answers there. “You think you know someone, and you’re pretty damn sure you know what they’ve done, but you hope against hope you’re wrong.”

  He started walking again, so I followed suit. “I hear that.”

  “I didn’t want to admit it, but I think the thought of being a father must have appealed to me on some level.”

  I felt an urge to tell him I understood that, too, but I bit my tongue. He had lots to say but it was taking a while for him to get it out—and that was fine. We had plenty of time to make it back around to the building entrance.

  “I didn’t love her anymore. We’d grown apart—but it was still a shitty thing for her to do. She could have just said she wanted to see other people. She could have told me to my face that we were through instead of sleeping around.”

  What I did next was instinctive and impulsive, and trying to stop myself would have been next to impossible. Taking my hands out of my pockets, I took one of Ryan’s and we stopped walking again to face each other. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. But at least you know the truth.”

  He gave a quiet nod. “Yeah.” We started walking again, but he left my hand in his and I didn’t want to pull mine away. As we strolled along the side of the building, I marveled at how far the parking lot wound around but, more than that, I continued to be surprised at all the cars, all the people who’d come to this nightclub. And it wasn’t even the weekend.

  We walked in silence for a while, turning another corner of the building. There was no parking lot in the back, just room for a couple of cars to drive through and several large dumpsters up against a fence. Ryan and I were alone in quiet darkness.

  The sound of my voice almost shocked me, because it felt loud in the calm silence. “At least it’s over. Now you can get on with your life.” We took a few more steps. “Hey…did you ever get my phone call?”

  Ryan stopped walking again to face me. “Yeah.”

  “Did you…listen to the whole thing?” He nodded but didn’t say a word. Goddammit. Why had I gone and made this whole thing feel awkward after feeling like I’d patched some things up? What the hell was wrong with me? And yet here I was, pressing forward. “So why didn’t you call me back?”

  “What was the point?” Suddenly, I felt sick and my cheeks began growing warm. “You said to call you when this was all over.” I searched his eyes in the semi-dark but couldn’t read them. “And it wasn’t over until today.”

  Oh, shit. Finally, I understood—and I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.

  “And it just so happened that you didn’t answer your phone when I called earlier.”

  I was going to grill him about not leaving a voice mail, but I knew that wasn’t his style. I kept staring in his eyes, the ambient light from a lone street lamp yards away helping me see but not by much. “And…?”

  “And what?”

  He had a small smile on his face, but I couldn’t tell what that meant exactly—so I had to ask probing questions, much like I might during a deposition. “Let’s say you did catch me on the phone. What would you say?”

  “I’d probably ask you to meet me somewhere so we could talk.”

  “Then I guess this is convenient.”

  “Yeah. When I saw you in there, I figured I might as well get it over with.”

  Ouch. That made it sound like he wanted nothing to do with me. But I tried to remember that desperate, frantic phone call I’d made to him weeks ago. Obviously, it had left some kind of impression on him or he wouldn’t have sought me out now. “I know the message I left you wasn’t anything near professional. I know I was babbling—”

  “You said something about liking me.”

  Truth time—not just for Ryan but for me, too. “I still do.”

  “The day I was in your office…it felt like I was getting dumped. But then on your phone call, you said you wanted to see me again. So it’s hard for me to know what to believe.”

  “Look, Ryan, here’s the truth. If I’d wanted to dump you, I just wouldn’t call you again. Being your attorney complicated everything in that regard but…I kind of wanted to explore our strange chemistry some more.” What the fuck was I saying? “Um, I guess I mean I wasn’t dumping you. Not in the traditional sense. My career was in jeopardy over all this.” Why I didn’t tell Ryan my career still hung in the balance waiting for whatever Ed O’Malley had planned, I don’t know to this day. Maybe I didn’t want to spoil the moment, because that weird electricity I’d felt with him before was charging up once more.

  “I get it.”

  “Believe me—if I’d wanted to dump you, it wouldn’t have been like that. I’ve learned over the years that some men don’t take subtle hints. So being direct is the best way. When I told you I could lose everything, I wasn’t kidding.”

  “Just for having sex with me?” He still seemed incredulous.

  “Yes.” I was about to come completely clean, and I felt a little vulnerable. So I shoved my hands back in my pockets, forcing myself to maintain eye contact in the semi-darkness. Talking to a jury or having a judge reprimand me, threatening to fine me in front of a packed courtroom seemed less difficult. I bit on my lower lip while taking in a deep breath as my thoughts coalesced. “That first day when you came into my office…I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” I swallowed, forcing myself to keep looking in his eyes. “In the most inappropriate ways. And I couldn’t stop thinking about you—so the first excuse I got, I invited you out. I knew I was crossing a line when I did it.

  “But I wanted to see you. And then, when we got together, it felt so good, so right. It wasn’t until I was at my office in the light of day that I really drank it all in and realized I had seriously jeopardized my job. What I did with you wasn’t like me—I’ve never done it before and won’t do it again—but if I have to be honest, Ryan…” I squeezed his hand in mine and looked at our hands intertwined before gazing into his eyes again. “I have to admit I think I’d do the same damn thing all over again with you. You’re…that irresistible to me.”

  He grinned but his voice sounded dubious. “Really?”

  His question felt rhetorical, but I had more to say anyway. “If it wasn’t for Adam, I would probably already be out the door. He’s the more logical of the two of us and he helped me kind of navigate the future. I still have some hoops to jump through but—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. When I’m around you, I can hardly think. And when the rational part of my brain wants me to pay attention and do what’s right, I’m able to. That is, until you show up. And so I wanted you to know I’m sorry for—”

  He placed two fingers over my lips, halting the gush of words from my mouth. “I understand.” Like letting go of several pieces of overpacked luggage, I felt my muscles relax, and I smiled. “But I have a question.”

  It was only fair. “Shoot.”

  “Now that all the legal stuff is done, are you saying we can see each other again?”

  I hadn’t thought that far—but the idea made my mind and body light up. “Hell, yeah.”

  And even though I hadn’t thought this far, I def
initely hadn’t considered anything beyond. My main concern when I’d seen Ryan was to get him away from Ed but now that we’d had this talk, Ed was the farthest thing from my mind—so when Ryan brought his face close to mine, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him hard. A shiver ran down my arms as I reacquainted myself with the way he smelled and tasted, the way his strong arms felt on my waist, the way his body felt gently touching mine.

  God help me.

  After our kiss, Ryan’s voice was a little quieter. “I have another question.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Can you tell me about you and Adam?”

  “What do you mean? We’re partners and friends.”

  “Well, I just wanted to make sure. Uh…the day you handed my case over to him, I saw him holding you—and he said you guys had a special relationship, that you dated a long time.”

  No way was I going to tell Ryan that Adam had been trying lately to reignite that spark. “We sure did—but we didn’t work. And we both know that. Our business partnership and our friendship is more important than our past relationship. He and I both know that it won’t work. We tried it once. He’s my best friend—but that’s all he is.” Impulsively, I stroked Ryan’s stubbly cheek. “Can you live with that?”

  “Live with what? That your best friend’s your ex-boyfriend?” I nodded. “Yeah, as long as you’re not bangin’ him.”

  I playfully slapped his arm. “I’m not. And I won’t.” But I was thinking his instincts were dead on. “Thirteen fucking months—it better be over.” I giggled. “Sorry. Potty mouth.”

  “I like it when you talk dirty.” My hand let loose, slapping his arm again. He took my wrist in his hand. “You’re pretty feisty tonight. Maybe you need to let off some steam.” His eyes searched mine as he brought his lips close, brushing mine like a feather. Leaning forward, I tried to kiss him full on, but he grinned and backed off. I held still then, letting him tease me until he was ready. When his lips pressed into mine with full force, he gave me a warm, sweet kiss full of emotion.

  But it didn’t take long for that tender display to grow more passionate, causing an all-too-familiar yearning to stir in my core.

  As I felt my breathing quicken, Ryan pulled away. “Can I talk you into coming home with me tonight?”

  God, I wanted to. Desperately. But if I didn’t take care of the festering Ed situation, I might lose any sexual appetite I had.

  And I had to take care of Ed.

  Always the woman who figures out a way to have her cake and eat it, too, I met Ryan’s lips with mine with incredible force, allowing my pent-up desire to take over. If nothing else, I was going to enjoy this moment and we’d figure out the rest later. In that quiet alleyway with little light, I pulled myself up with the intent of wrapping my legs around his torso. Moving his hands underneath my ass, he held me up, pressing my back against the cool brick wall.

  Holy fuck. This felt too good already. I didn’t know that I could wait a day or two to feel him.

  My voice sounded breathless. “I want you now.”

  “Here?”

  I just smiled before melting my lips back into his, wrestling his tongue. My arms, wrapped around his upper body, relished the feel of his hard muscles underneath mine. I moved my lips to his neck, tasting the salty skin there, and I recognized my body’s physiological responses that followed my brain’s heady ascent. The most obvious was how my pussy was slickening in preparation for his cock’s assault.

  As if he somehow knew, Ryan grew hard pressed up against me where my inner thighs locked around him, even through the layers of denim we both wore. Suddenly, I felt hot, even with the cool breeze brushing across my face and arm.

  I wanted to feel him inside me right this second.

  What was it about this guy that made me lose all inhibition, made me want to do things I’d never done before?

  I could sense that he, too, was uncomfortable with the thought of fucking in what could have been considered a public place—but I was a gal who’d never even liked kissing around other people. It was something about Ryan that brought out the animal in me.

  And fuck it. I didn’t care. I wanted him here and I wanted him now.

  Not a single person or car had been back here since we’d arrived, so I was willing to chance it. I could drop to my knees and suck on his cock until he was so close he couldn’t say no—or I could use an old high school trick. My friends and I had had many names for it—pant fucking, dry humping, fake sex. There was a time or two back in the day when I’d actually gotten myself off doing it, not to mention whatever guy I was with at the time.

  The problem was that both Ryan and I were wearing jeans, and fabric that thick could mute any sensations we felt.

  I wasn’t actually processing any of those thoughts, instead starting to grind myself into him, gently at first before establishing a rhythm. In a matter of seconds, I realized I’d underestimated how good it would feel. When your desire is at a fever pitch, the parts of your body needing attention will appreciate anything.

  And I couldn’t help the tiny moan I let out against Ryan’s lower lip when his iron-hard cock began to respond. Against my rhythmic thrusting, his throbbing manhood made me feel weak with desire. His breath was coming harder now, so I ran my hand between us, feeling his length underneath the denim. “I need you to fuck me right here, right now. I need to feel you inside me, Ryan.” Even though my voice was low, it sounded to my ears almost like a whimper, like a desperate plea for help.

  In essence, it was.

  I could tell by his eyes that he was struggling, and waiting would be next to impossible for him, too. My pussy tightened at the thought of satisfaction. Ryan lowered me, setting my feet back down on the ground before getting down to his knees. He lifted my clingy shirt and kissed my stomach, causing shivers to charge up my spine. Then his fingers moved to my waistband and he unbuttoned my jeans, causing all the muscles throughout my body to further tighten. His breath against my skin was maddening. When he moved his fingers slightly inside my panties before pulling them down just enough, I thought I was going to lose my mind.

  I needed to be fucked.

  Now.

  When he stood again, his lips met mine with the full force of caged stallions set free—and I hoped his cock would feel the same way. While his tongue danced with mine, I moved my hands to the button on his jeans before pulling down the zipper. Unwilling to slow down, I slid a hand inside and grabbed his throbbing cock, stroking its length until, moments later, I reluctantly let go so he could cover it with a condom.

  Then he moved his hands under my arms and slid me up the brick wall to just the right height—and, once again, my hands were on his cock, guiding him to the exact spot where my pussy could envelop him in warmth before the maddening motion began.

  I moaned again as my muscles turned to putty. I was closer to orgasm than I’d thought, and I wondered if it was partly due to the excitement of being somewhere we shouldn’t have been having sex—or maybe I’d forgotten how amazing this guy was with his cock. My hands grasped his shirt, holding it tightly and pulling him closer to thrust my tongue into his mouth again. I hoped distraction would help me hang on a little longer.

  Ryan was moving slowly and I wrapped my legs around him before I began matching his rhythm. With each gentle thrust, I felt the air escape my lungs and, at the same time, tiny noises escaped my mouth. I was teetering on the edge but I didn’t want to come. Not yet.

  When Ryan pulled back a little to gaze in my eyes, I felt my pussy clench around his cock. But it was too much. His look was too intense.

  And what the fuck was my heart trying to tell me in that moment?

  I moved my hands up to his jaw to draw his face to mine. I kissed him again to dampen that gaze, but I was so fucking close to orgasm, I couldn’t move my tongue. Then, when I sucked in another breath of air, it happened, and I fought to keep noises from escaping my mouth as my body writhed uncontrollably. Ryan sped up the rhythm until he, too,
let out a grunt and shuddered. As he caught his breath, he dropped his head to my shoulder.

  Once every part of my body had calmed, I unwound my legs and then eased back a bit, sliding down the wall. His strong arms kept me from dropping, and I rested my head and hands on his chest while he buried his head in my neck.

  I loved the hoarse sound of his voice. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

  Laughing, I cherished the giddy feeling brought on by the endorphins pumping through my body. I lifted my head and prepared to say something, but as his eyes locked with mine, I was hit with another emotion.

  What the fuck was that?

  I knew it couldn’t be love…but what was it then?

  I swallowed, the smile still on my face, and I forced myself to ignore that weird gush of whatever it was. “That was amazing.”

  He pressed his forehead against mine. “You are amazing. And fucking crazy. I’m blaming this whole thing on you.” I giggled again while he zipped up his jeans. Following suit, I put all my clothes back on in order. “I’ve never done that before.”

  “Me, either.”

  As he took my hands in his, another wave of weird almost-love feeling washed over me again. What the hell?

  “Now will you spend the night with me?”

  Oh, God—at this point, I wanted nothing more. I wanted to explore whatever strange emotion was hijacking my heart. But I had a serious matter to attend to, one that I’d been putting off all night. “I can’t.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I sighed. “It’s part of this whole mess. Like a few stray ends I have to take care of.”

  His gentle voice made me feel warm and secure. “Maybe I can help.”

  “I wish you could, but I don’t think you can.” I let out a long breath of air. “Do you remember that first night we met at a bar?”

  “You think I could forget that?”

  I laughed in spite of the knot beginning to twist in my gut. “Well…there was this guy there, a lawyer with the District Attorney’s office that I’ve known for a while. He’s had a crush on me for as long as I can remember. Anyway, that night, he spotted me before you got there and was actually walking over to me, but you got there before he had a chance.” I could see the doubt on Ryan’s brow. “You might think no big deal, but the next day, Adam told me Ed had seen the two of us together. Maybe he was jealous or just curious. I don’t know. But he asked Adam who you were. Adam had no idea at the time and told him so. And when I confessed my indiscretion to Adam, the only ones who knew it was you were you, me, and him. Also Janae, our assistant, might have had some suspicions but nothing solid. So the secret was safe with us.”