Be Careful What You Wish For Page 14

  I imagined their conversation. Kage was apologizing for cheating on her with that tempting little hottie and now he was returning to his wife, his tail tucked between his legs, all sad and pathetic and telling her he could never live without her, no matter all the sweet, dreamy things he’d said to me while he’d basked in post-lovemaking endorphins. And she was giving him the requisite cold shoulder, making him work for it, making him beg. She wasn’t going to give into him easily, even though this episode of cheating had been her fault.

  For spying and attempting to eavesdrop, part of me felt guilty, but the rest of me? I was furious. But that was hiding a horrible hurt that I knew would go deep. It was then that I realized I had fallen for Kage harder than I’d ever fallen for any other man. He meant more to me than anyone ever had. But I had already known that. He had felt like my soulmate, so, of course, my feelings for him were strong.

  And that was why I was feeling so hurt and betrayed.

  I took a deep breath, not even noticing the chilled air at first, and I tried to turn away. I noticed the cold when the hot tears stung my cheeks. That was when I heard Kage, though, because he raised his voice. “I don’t know why you have to be such a fucking bitch, Fay. I don’t know what you get out of it.”

  “You cheating bastard. You really have no idea why I’m a bitch?” Yeah, I was right. He’d been trying to get back with her.

  More tears.

  He lowered his voice again so I couldn’t hear what he said, but I could tell he was pissed. Then she said, at the top of her lungs, “If you don’t get the fuck out of here right now, I’m gonna call the cops. Don’t think I won’t get a restraining order, you asshole.”

  I strained but still couldn’t hear his voice. He leaned in close to her and I imagined a growl through his teeth—either that or one last plea to take him back. I saw her pull her cell phone out of her back pocket and hold it up. “I’m calling the cops, Kage.”

  I did hear his next words. “Fuck it. I’m leaving.”

  “Good. And don’t come back, dickhead. You’re not welcome here.”

  He turned around and I saw his face. I’d never seen him so angry. And then I was fully aware and in the moment. I was there, right there, and I wasn’t ready to face him. So I turned on my heel and started marching toward my car, hoping I could get inside before he spotted me. I hoped I was far enough away from the spray of Fay’s front porch light and the street light a few yards from my car that he wouldn’t see me.

  I wasn’t fast enough, though. I heard his voice. “Jessica? What the hell are you doing here?” I didn’t hear the anger in his voice that he’d used with Fay. He sounded confused instead.

  Part of me wanted to keep walking, to never look back. But something in me made me stop. I wanted to stop. Even though I felt buried under the weight of the world and I would never be able to breathe again, I wanted him to tell me it was okay, that it had all been my imagination. I would love a beautiful lie.

  What was his band’s name again? Oh, yeah. Pretty Little Lies. I wanted one of those.

  I turned around, unable to ignore his voice or pretend like I hadn’t heard it. He knew it was me. Yeah, I could signal my displeasure by continuing to ignore him, but that would only drag out the matter. Better to get it over with—let the wound gush, sew it up, and move on. So I turned around and hoped he wouldn’t be able to tell in the semi-dark that I’d been crying. He asked again, “What are you doing here?”

  I searched his eyes as he got closer to me, swallowing hard and forcing back the tears. I could have lied to him. Yeah, sure, but I wouldn’t have been able to think of a good lie anyway. Why was my breathing so shallow? I made myself take a deep breath before saying the words. Still…they came out one at a time, difficult to put together. I instead wanted to bury my face in his neck and pretend like what I’d just seen hadn’t happened. I thought back, back to a time when my mom had been dating a real creep. She’d thought the planet revolved around him, and she’d caught him cheating on her with her best friend. And my stupid mom—Jesus. She’d taken him back. After that, he cheated on her all the time, because he knew she’d take him back.

  He wound up marrying her friend.

  I made my mind wrap around that image, the one of mom sucking down a cigarette, a half-filled bottle of vodka dangling from her hand, slurring her words while she leaned against the door jamb, staring out the screen door. She kept saying, “That sumbitch. But that sumbitch was my sumbitch…stolen by that skanky, no good for nothin’, crabs-infested whore.”

  I would not be my mother. So I made myself feel the cold around me, and I wrapped it around my body like a shawl. I swallowed again and said, “You were acting strange when you came by my apartment, Kage.” I took an uneven but controlled breath. “And now I know why.”

  He frowned. “What? What are you talking about?”

  Really? Now he was going to pretend I was stupid? “What did you come over here for?”

  His face contorted. First, I saw confusion, then anger, then sympathy. There was also worry in his eyes. “I’ve told you about Flynt, right?” I had to stop and think, and just as I remembered, he reminded me anyway. “Fay’s little brother. One of his friends texted me tonight that Flynt’s girlfriend broke up with him. Yeah, I realize that doesn’t seem like a big thing, but apparently the kid’s gone off the deep end. They’re worried about him and can’t find him anywhere. I thought he might be hiding at home or Fay might know where he disappeared to.”

  I wanted to believe him. I nodded. But I couldn’t say anything.

  “I need to try to find him. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s tried something stupid.”

  I nodded again. “Okay. I hope he’s okay.”

  “So do I.” He kissed me then, and it made me feel better.

  I got in my car as he got in his truck. It was after he drove away that I wondered why I didn’t ask to see the text from Flynt’s friend. I could have even offered to go along with him. But I hadn’t said a word.

  Maybe I was turning into my mother.

  * * *

  The next day, though, Kage called and told me he’d found Flynt. The kid had been in the baseball bleachers at East High. Kage said he’d been smoking some weed and feeling sorry for himself, but he hadn’t done anything completely stupid. He’d had Flynt spend the night in his bed at Mark’s house while Kage had slept on the couch. He said he didn’t trust Fay to take care of Flynt properly, especially when he was in that condition.

  And the rest of the week was like normal. Kage was loving and sweet and attentive…and I tried to forget my feelings of mistrust. Kage hadn’t done anything else to make me doubt—but it was hovering there in the back of my mind. I didn’t know how long it would be for me to feel secure in our relationship. Maybe I never would.

  A week later, I got to go to their concert. It was the Saturday before spring break, and I was excited to watch the guys. It was at a little venue downtown, and Kage invited me to ride with him and Mark in Mark’s truck. Jason and Diesel would meet them there.

  Kage was a hot guy—muscular without being overdone, plenty of tats, long hair, gorgeous green eyes, and the cutest expressions—but then he went and upped the ante. For his concert, he put on eyeliner and I thought I was going to die. Lots of guys couldn’t pull it off, but, my God, Kage could.

  They finished setting up and then Kage took my hand, leading me to the bar. They had about half an hour before their show started, and he asked for two shots of tequila. He asked if I wanted anything, and I just asked for a glass of water. I wanted to be stone cold sober when I watched him play.

  With each shot, he licked the salt off the back of his hand that he’d placed there and followed each one with a bite of lime. I’d seen him drink a shot of tequila straight, but he tended to like it the traditional way. After he drank both shots and took the lime wedge out of his mouth, he pulled me into an intoxicating kiss. What a rush. I could taste the tequila and lime and the flavor of Kage behind it, and I
felt aroused.

  Now was not the time, but that’s what he did to me.

  And, just as before, in spite of the doubts and insecurities in the back of my mind, I trusted him.

  My hands wrapped around the sides of his leather jacket as though wanting to possess him and never let him go. “I can’t wait to watch you live.”

  He grinned, pressing his forehead into mine. “You’ve seen me live.”

  “Yeah, in a basement. I want to see you in front of this crowd. I want to see the way you and your band feed off the energy of the audience. I bet you’re even better onstage.”

  “You just wanna fuck a rock star.”

  I laughed and shrugged, trying to look impish. “I already have.” He looked confused at first, until I added, “You, silly.”

  He laughed then too. “Nah. I’m still just a steelworker, babe.”

  I circled my finger on his neck just below his Adam’s apple. “Not for long, Kage Youngblood.”

  He trailed his hands down my back to just above my ass, holding me tightly against him. “You are so good for my ego.” He kissed me again. “And that’s why I love you, Jessica Osborn.”

  I sensed rather than saw his bandmates get closer. I did not want to be called Yoko again. And, really, didn’t John Lennon fucking blossom after she stole him from the Beatles?

  That would be heresy, and I’d never say it out loud, but the energy from his friends wavered. Sometimes they were positive and seemed like good guys, and other times, they were downright assholes to me. I knew they blamed me for wrecking Kage’s marriage, and it wasn’t my place to correct them, but the whole shtick was getting old. It was like Kage had said—his marriage had already ended. I was just the straw on the camel’s back that had caused it to break.

  Or was I? Had Kage in fact been cheating on his wife the whole time and he and I just clicked?

  And, if he had, was it just a matter of time before he was cheating on me?

  Oh, God, I had to quit thinking that way. It was tearing me up inside.

  It was…but I had no idea how to stop.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  JUST AS I’D suspected, Pretty Little Lies was so much better with an audience. They’d been good in Mark’s basement, but having an audience made them step up their game. Holy shit, were they incredible.

  And seeing my man onstage was hot. Oh, God, he was gorgeous, the way that bass guitar hung low against his body. His low, gritty voice serenading me didn’t hurt either. It wasn’t until halfway through the show that I noticed dozens of women around me. Sure, there were plenty of guys headbanging, but there were a lot of women looking at the stage with dreamy eyes. That was when I realized how I was kind of out of place. Oh, sure, my clothing, hair, and makeup were fine, but I wasn’t pierced or tattooed. There were a lot of female metalheads who wore their status on the outside, and there was no mistaking how important music was to them. These women were hot too, and it made me feel like I didn’t stand a chance.

  What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling so insecure? Was it because I could see Kage feeding off the energy, making eye contact not just with me but a lot of the people (okay, women) in the audience?

  Why had I let myself fall for him? I was becoming a nervous wreck, something I’d never been before when it came to a man. I’d never invested myself in a relationship like this before, and it was killing me. My studies were suffering, as was my sleep schedule. And my emotions…I’d never felt this strongly until now.

  And every time I started feeling that way again, I remembered one thing that made Kage different from all the other men I’d ever been with or dated—we had connected on a deep level. It wasn’t just lust; there was so much more.

  Well, there was for me anyway. Maybe it was one-sided, and that was where the insecurities came into play. I’d started doubting his feelings for me. Sure, he said he loved me, but how did I know he meant it? How could I be sure?

  He smiled at a girl on the other side of the stage as he thanked the audience for the applause. Was that a wink too? I felt a seething, hot monster inside me. I’d had no idea it had even existed, but there it was—evil and angry. Was this how Fay had felt? Maybe she hadn’t been a bitch when she and Kage had first gotten together. Maybe she’d felt the rage grow much like I was starting to.

  But then he took a drink from a bottle of water behind him in front of the drum kit. When he came back to the mike, he said, “Are you ready for some more hardcore shit?” The crowd went wild, screaming and throwing up devil’s horns and fists in the air. Then he said, “This is still brutal, but I’m dedicating this one to my girl.” He nodded his head at me. “Yeah, the hot little brunette there, front row, wearing the leather miniskirt.”

  I couldn’t help it, especially after feeling so low, so down, so sad. I started giggling. It wasn’t that I liked the attention. No, instead, it was that I felt so much better. Kage might have been flirting with his female fans, but he finally let them know he wasn’t available. That was more than I could have asked for.

  Of course, that just meant he’d be more of a challenge for some of these women. That didn’t matter, though, because I felt better.

  I was still riding high that night when I had to sit on his lap heading back to Mark’s house. Mark hadn’t had any problems picking up one of the metal chicks (none of the guys had had a hard time with that task), and she was coming home with him. There were only three seats in his truck, though, so I had to ride on Kage’s lap on the way back.

  Not that I minded, especially when he used it as an opportunity to get me plenty hot and warmed up for fun later.

  His attention alleviated my fears for the meantime, but those doubts were beginning to loom large in the back of my head—and I wasn’t sure how to rid myself of them.

  * * *

  Spring break was one of my favorite times of the year. Like Thanksgiving break, it afforded me an opportunity to make great strides in semester-long projects that were due at the end of the year, and it also allowed me to catch up on my sleep.

  Unfortunately, this particular year didn’t let me do either as much as it had in the past, because I was spending time with Kage. I was glad, though, because I wouldn’t have wanted it to be any other way. My insecurities were raging out of control, and I needed to spend lots of time with him.

  The most important thing I wanted to do was make sure I wasn’t being clingy or needy. I knew that behavior would push him away, the last thing I wanted.

  One evening, he came over to my apartment right after work. I wasn’t working that night and we’d planned to spend the entire evening together. He had a change of clothes and wanted to shower first.

  God, he was hot, reminding me of one of the reasons why I was so insecure. He could catch the eye of any pretty girl from miles away, and I knew it. I’d never considered myself to be beautiful. Maybe I was. I don’t know, but I’d always valued myself for my mind. It was the only thing I thought I had going for me, and something that age would enhance instead of ruin.

  Anyway, he stood in the doorway of my apartment. He looked like he’d been sweating half the day, and his hair was pulled back in a rubber band. Yeah, he looked dirty, but he looked incredibly desirable. “You want a little help in the shower?”

  He grinned. “I would love that, but it might slow me down for the evening.” He kissed me and said, “I’ll take a raincheck. But I’d love your company.”

  So I did. I sat on the toilet seat while he showered and the room grew steamy, mirroring how I felt inside. I wondered what he had planned for me. He was being a little secretive about it. “So what the hell are we doing tonight, Kage?”

  “You don’t have class tomorrow, right?”

  “Right.”

  “You only have work tomorrow night?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then we’re going to do a lot. First, dinner, and then…” I heard him sputter under the water and he got quiet.

  “Then what?”

  “I have a
surprise for you.”

  “Stop teasing me!”

  “We’re going out to the lake. It’s a warm enough night. I want to show you something there.”

  Whatever it was seemed important to him. “Okay.”

  “I promise it’ll be worth it.”

  I repeated myself, sounding in my own ears like a spoiled child. “Okay.”

  He shut off the water, so I grabbed the towel I’d set on the counter for him and stood. He pulled the shower curtain aside and I took a deep breath, drinking in the beauty of his body. It wasn’t like he was a body builder or overly muscular, because he wasn’t. But he was toned and tight and his tattoos were hot against that canvas. I smiled and handed him the towel, pulling it away when he reached for it. “Who’s a tease?”

  I said, “Maybe I don’t want you to get dressed.” He raised his eyebrows, so I unfolded the towel and draped it over the front of him, holding it against his chest.

  “I can’t take you to dinner if I’m not dressed.”

  I tried to look defiant. “Maybe I don’t want to eat.”

  “Oh, you better. You’re going to need your strength for what I’m going to do to you tonight.”

  I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face, but I was suddenly eager and ready for him to get dressed. I bit my lip and stepped aside.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  WE ATE DINNER at the Red Lobster that wasn’t too far from my apartment. Nothing fancy, but it was nice and I felt like a princess. He did that for me. I’d never been with a guy who was so attentive. He held out the chair for me, and that was after opening doors for me getting out of my car and entering the restaurant. I tried not to look at the lobsters in the tank that we passed as we walked from the lobby to our table. I wondered if they knew the fate that awaited them. Soon, they would be here in the dining room on someone’s plate.

  So I got shrimp and Kage had a steak. I didn’t say anything about the lobsters.

  They got me to thinking about my own situation, though. They probably had no idea their lives were in danger, even when some little kid came up to the glass and started banging on it, trying to communicate with the sea creature that was, frankly, out of its element. Was I in the same corner? Was I like that lobster, being held for a while until I’d be boiled alive? I couldn’t shake the uneasiness I was beginning to feel deep inside. I loved Kage and I wanted to believe him, wanted to trust him, but the longer we were together, the harder it was becoming for me, even when he was around and I had no reason to doubt him. That feeling was there, and I didn’t know how to shake it.